When you have this many different characters in one scene, use fewer pronouns so it’s easier to keep track of what’s actually happening. xxx hd =dreamer=«1» 2 comments«1»AquaMastaReport 2009-09-02 05:30:08Getting better, I like the story line but a little more “sex” or at least some touching would be nice. also if you were to make it a bit longer and add a little discripion to some characters so we can kind of get a feel for them, get to know them a bit :p Great story, Hope to read more!Anonymous readerReport 2009-08-19 06:13:13The plot was interesting, but rushed and convoluted. If you’re going to title a story “Pixie Lust”, please add a little lust, and not just adventure and intrigue. =dreamer=«1» When you have this many different characters in one scene, use fewer pronouns so it’s easier to keep track of what’s actually happening. It would have been fine to work in a little jail cell sex.
